The Clone Wars
Star Wars: The Clone Wars (not to be confused with The Clone Wars, The Clone Clone Wars, Star Wars: How come George Lucas is obsessed with the Clone Wars, Star Clones: The War Wars, Star Wars The Clone Wars, Star Wars/Clone Wars, or The Star Clone Wars Wars) is an animated television series not created by Seth MacFarlane. It takes place during the Clone Wars, as the title implies. It was canceled by Disney and look where that led, but hey, at least they brought it back five years later on it's tenth anniversary to shock of pretty much everyone. Yay. Summary ''The Clone Wars'' (film) Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker participate in a battle for some reason. The Separatist commander, a runt Whiphid, orders a retreat, presumably to buy himself time to establish his character. Obi-Wan makes a snide comment about getting a new Padawan, apparently forgetting that Anakin isn't his Padawan anymore. Any who, George Lucas God then introduced what fanboys, fangirls, and every Star Wars fan hates...Ahsoka Tano, whose true name is No Soup-a With-a Buffet. Anakin and No Soup-a truly made everyone's day. The fucking Mary Sue and the crybaby went to go save Jabba the Hutt's "son" Rotta and blah, blah, blah. Asajj Ventress then tries to stop the bitchy pair but no, No Soup-a is too much of a Mary Sue to get hurt. It was revealed that Jabba had a gay nephew who had relations with many droids. Count Dookie and the crybaby fight on Tatooine, which made no fucking sense, while the Mary Sue goes and fights four MagnaGuards that had glowing vibrators as weapons. She wins of course... Well then the frog, Obi-Wan, the crybaby and the Mary Sue have a happy ending. Oh yeah, and Obi-Wan and that one Seppy commander enjoy a cup of tea during the beginning battle. XD ''Ambush'' The Frog Jedi Master Yoda and three clone troopers go to a random planet to talk about stuff while doing pot with a bunch of flying trash bags. But Asajj Ventress shows up and makes them watch her shave all her hair off again. Then she steals their pot, so they gang up on her and she runs away. ''Rising Malevolence'' General Lee Grievous and Count Dookie decided to be all badass, so they made some massive Star Destroyer type thing, complete with a built-in cheap rip off of the PWN superlaser. Some guy in a mask went after the Star Destroyer, named the "Male violence". I don't know, go ask Georgy... He failed miserably, only to attract the attention of his once sex partner, No-Soup-a With-a buffet. The Crybaby and No-soup-a rescued that guy and a group of horny clones. ''Shadow of Malevolence'' So the Crybaby, No-Soup-a, and that one dude in the mask decided to go after that massive Star Destroyer, "Male violence", again... Some Y-Wings, Ahsoka's bitchiness, some explosions, some cheap rip off dialogue from A New Hope, One horny clone medic that is a attracted to a long neck Kaminoan—completed this fail episode. ''Destroy Malevolence'' Not long after, possibly not even a minute, after the so-called "events" after Shadow of Male violence, bitchy Ahsoka decided it would be best for the entire episode if she shut her fat orange face up while the Crybaby, the man with the beard, Goldenrod, and that one pudgy droid go into the Male violence and rescue sexy Panda bear from Grievous. Then, after the Mary Sues of the Republic left the Male violence, those fucking retarded droids crashed the ship on some moon. ''Rookies'' One day, Bad Mother Fracker Commander Cody and that weird, horny white haired clone decided to crash some party on the moon of Rishii. Once they got their, some PWN droids blew up their ship. They escaped, of course, and joined some group of "shinnies"—sexually abused clone troopers. While the Uber PWN droids took over their pad, that white haired clone decided to be all badass and shit, and destroyed some of those droids. Blah, blah, some explosions, and then.. some chunky clone decided to become a suicide bomber. He blows up the pad, the droids, himself, and then...Fuck, party's over.. ''Downfall of a Droid'' So Annie the Crybaby and No-soup-a participated in this funny looking, cheap rip off battle that resembled that badass asteroid chase scene from The Empire Strikes Back. Turns out, General Lee Grievous became a pussy, so he fled from his Star Destroyer groupies. The Crybaby chased him, but failed.. Also, that one pudgy droid got lost. So they replaced him with another pudgy droid. Annie cried some more, which happened to be the main story of the episode...unfortunately. However, it is revealed that Annie does it with Ahsoka. He calls her "yummy yum pookums" in front of some fat guy. Wait! Does this make any sense to any of you? No? Congrats. So then, R2-D2 "Pudgy droid" attracts the attention of General Lee Grievous, and his horny droid sensors just kicked in. ''Duel of the Droids'' George Lucas decided to piss everyone off by letting the ultimate Mary Sue fight Grievous…Turns out, of course, she wins...She severs Grievous' hand...The crybaby found his secret lover, that pudgy droid, and that's it. That white haired clone also confessed that he will never do it with a droid again. Oh yeah, before Ahsoka reveals that she is the ultimate Mary Sue character, Grievous PWNS some fat guy. ''Bombad Jedi'' Pandabear gets kidnapped AGAIN, this time by a Nute Gunray, the Asian tadpole thingy. Goldenrod whines a bit, and Jar Jar Binks of all people goes to rescue her. Seriously JAR JAR. Padmé breaks herself out, gets surrounded by droids, and gets saved by a monster that Jar Jar flirts with. Gunray gets captured in the end. Oh, and there's something about Padmé having a Rodian uncle or something. Hopefully this the last of Jar Jar. ''Cloak of Darkness'' The crybaby needed alone time with his Panda Bear, so he sent the bitchy No Soup-a to that one ugly green skinned nun Jedi, "Luminous Undies", because the two were meant to be. On board her big deluxe yacht, the two were constantly doing it right in front of that one dude who got captured...Nute Raygun. They sent videos of themselves through the HoloNet, which made Britney Ventress very jealous. The bald-headed bitch snuck on her yacht and was verrry horny. Ahsoka and Luminous engaged Baldy with their ultimate weapons. Turns out that Baldy gave up the fight and wanted to have relations with Gunray. She stole Gunray and left soon after she destroyed Luminous's yacht er...planet. ''Lair of Grievous'' One sunny afternoon, that green wormhead Kit Fisto and some fish decided to drop by General Lee Grievous' house. Their glorious adventure turns out to be yet another fail episode. However, that fish got PWN3D and Fisto got raped by Grievous :D ''Dooku Captured'' So, it all beings after we see the horny No-Soup-a and that white haired clone on some Star Destroyer. The crybaby was captured before the episode, and to actually understand what the fuck is going on, George Lucas forced everyone to go on the crappy StarWars.com to read that stupid little fucking flash online comic... After you're done reading, if you read it, the man with the beard saves his ass, then steals one of Dookie's ships, chases Dookie in space, blows Dookie's ship and all of them crash into some planet. Blah, Blah, Blah, more blah, some gundarks, and eventually... Ahsoka saves the day.. :| The Crybaby and Obi-Wan then rape her before setting out to find Count Dookie, who managed to leave the planet with his homeboy pirate friends. ''The Gungan General'' Jar Jar returns, this time with a group of horny clones. But wait! George Lucas made a HUGE change! Either Ahmed Best (That one dude who voices JarJarJar) was high that day or, seriously Jar Jar was on crack because his voice was terrible. Way to go Lucas! Anyway, the crybaby, Obi-1, and Dookie became buddies when some Weequays captured them. Turns out that the dudes only wanted some weed from the Republic then they will release them. Blah, freaking Blah, the episode ended. Also, NO AHSOKA IN THE EPISODE!!! YEAH!! Erm. ''Jedi Crash'' One day Anakin got extremely horny, and decided to go knock Aayla Secura whenever he can't do the same shit to Padmé. He soon got himself into a fight with a bunch of droids over the sexy Twi'lek above some random planet that no one gives a damn about. Eventually, they escaped, with only Annie's cock broken by a super battle droid. They've soon crash landed on Madagascar. After loosing their ships medical station, Aayla kicks Anakin into a tent to be safe and takes of bunch of clones to find some cure for his broken dick. Along the way No soup becomes jealous of how Aayla becomes so attractive to Anakin that they start a make-out fight, with Aayla the winner. On the way, a bunch of animals came and killed all the clone troopers, except for Commander Bly, apparently because his flashy yellow armor doesn't strike out more than the white armored clone troopers do. They soon come across a village populated by a clan of Irish lemurs. The village chief refuses to give Aayla a cure unless she can pre-order him tickets for Terminator Salvation which isn't even out yet. After the pissed off Twi'lek burned a huge ass hole in her pocket, the chief successfully healed Anakin so he bang more chicks. But that'll have to wait. ''Defenders of Peace'' Just when Anakin and Aayla are about to do it., a Separatist cruiser enters orbit to test out this whacked-out cannon on those annoying lemurs. Their commander, a deformed Darth Fat Guy called Lots of Turd. Anakin was all like "Fuck it." and stole the fat mans private shuttle just to regroup with his homies. The lemurs were soon wiped out in a matter of seconds and their babies were shipped as lunch for the Neimoidians and all the other organics enlisted in the CIS. ''Trespass'' One day Annie, the beard (Not Kyle Katarn) man joined two hippies on some snow world. (Not Hoth). To replace Ahsoka, thank god, Lucas introduced this hot looking blue skinned girl who was a senator. While I was paying too much attention to her, my little eye saw some dude, who was obsessed with himself. the idiot began a war with a group of hairy (Not Wookiees) species called the Talls. That dude, and that horny, white haired clone went and fought that douchebag war while Annie and Obi-Wan were constantly doing it with Chuchi. Because Ahsoka wasn't good enough. After fighting that war, that dude got PWNED and fucking Mary Sue Rex only got "a scratch". Annie and Obi-Wan said there dearest good-byes to sexy Chuchi and hoped (I hoped too :D) that they'll see her again in this god forsaken series. ''the Hidden Enemy'' Before the events of the crappy film. Before Ahsoka was introduced, also known as the better age of Star Wars. Began a prequel, "a term" which is most favored by George Lucas. On the planet of Christopher, Annie and Obi-Wan were fighting in some random battle. Just when you thought the episode couldn't be any stupider, one Bad Mother Fracker PWN clone named "Slick" betrayed the Mary Sue Republic and married Baldy, a.k.a. Britney. That awesome clone named Cody and that douchebag white haired clone fought Slick because the clone stole Rex's white hair dye. Later, the most retarded thing happened... the crybaby and Obi-Wan returned after their "little adventure" with Baldy and arrested slick for being a complete dick. What happened next? Go watch the crappy movie and find out. Don't know what movie it is? If you see some annoying orange skinned slut, then congratulations, you're victorious. ''Blue Shadow Virus'' One magnificent day, some highly crack addict named "Dr. Vindi" started some blue virus. The Ultimate Mary Sues of the Republic—Uh, the crybaby, Obi-Wan, orangy, that white haired clone—went to save sexy Panda Bear and Jar Jar inside Vindi's crack den. So when everything goes smoothly for the Mary Sues, Vindi went all badass and shit and decided to activate a virus bomb and....Nope. The Mary Sues deactivated it. Tragically giving the Mary Sues, yet, another win... ''Mystery of a Thousand Moons'' This episode made no freaking sense to me. Turns out that George Lucas and his followers don't know what a virus is. How can there be a cure for a virus? WTF? Oh and "antidote" cannot cure a fucking virus dumb fucks, that's for poison. Also, WHY WON'T AHSOKA DIE?!?!?! She fainted and magically the douchebag white haired clone "saved her from falling." Pssh. Not to mention the pointless story in Iego, or that huge plot hole at the end when everyone got out of Vindi's crack den, and yet in the episode they said they cannot leave because the virus will leak out in Naboo but they did it anyway. Ugghh.. ''Storm Over Ryloth'' Because all the clones want to try out some Twi'leks that night after the boring Virus episode, the Seppies got jealous and blockaded their planet. And when Whinie and A-Soup-A need reinforcements that don't get them. GEEZ, THESE CLONES NEED SOME TWEELEKS! But Artoo smashes the ship into the cowardly skinny Asian admiral and they go down to the planet to go rape some Tweeleks. ''Innocents of Ryloth'' Two clones go to a city, and there are no Twi'leks there. They do, however, find a little girl, who is too young for their taste so they use her to find some other Tweeleks. Geez, Cody, Tweeleks? ''Liberty on Ryloth'' Mace Windu decides he can't resist fucking those Tweeleks and joins the mission, and Count Dookie steals all the treasure and leaves Wat Tambor to go to jail. Mace Windu shows no marcy and kills that-no wait, he doesn't. They can't afford to kill anyone in this series. ''Hostage Crisis'' Since Dooku misses his heterosexually challenged slug (That purple dipshit from the movie that looks like Jabba), he sends in Cryptosporidium-137 along with a few bounty hunters to get the Destroy all humans franchise back on track molest some senators till Palpatine decides to release the fat ass. Too bad Anakin's jacking off Padmé once again! After her "adventure", sexy ass retreats to the senate lobby to discuss about some bill with the senate. Bane then holds the senators hostage till the slime ball crawls out of prison. I could describe this shit bomb in greater detail but I think you all know the scope- Anakin saves senators but Crypto Cad Bane escapes with his shit. Now come to think of it, after seeing Donald Duck and the return of Jabba's uncle, I just feel like crapping my own balls out my dick! That means I really hate to see what Season 2 has in stock. Damn... Lucas I thought you were a kickass guy! ''Holocron Heist'' Soon after season one ended, that blue douchebag Cad Bean decided to go badass and shit. He wanted to steal a Jedi's "holocron," which contained the galaxy's most watched porn videos. Seriously. Erm, anyway.. so while Cad went to the Jedi Temple, his pedo crush, Ahsoka, was in the temple at the time. Just when things got worse for the viewers (if anyone was actually watching this crap), Ahsoka fought and won a duel with a old lady, because the bitch told her to put some more clothes on for god sakes. Blah, blah, Bane stole the porn holocron, and escaped before Bad Mother Fracker Mace Windu came. The bald guy then sent crybaby Annie and Ahsoka to stop Bane. lolz ''Cargo of Doom'' Mannequin Crybaby and his Mary-Sue apprentice have to protect the holocron that Bane is after. After a "badass" moment that shows how much Cad Bane isn't quite as badass as Boba Fett, Anakin gives Bane the holocron in order to save No Soup-a's life. Yeah. I would have kept the holocron and let Ahsoka die if I were him. It's a win-win situation. Fortunately, Bane does the right thing and blasts No-Soupa out of the airlock anyway. Bane you have done a favour to us all. You are so awesome. Wait, what? Apparently, while I was celebrating and singing Ding Dong the Bitch is Dead, I missed Anakin save No-Soupa. Curse you Skywalker! P.S. I take it all back, Bane. ''Children of the Force'' It turns out that the reason that Bane wanted the holocron was in order to find all sorts of Jedi younglings and molest them, with some help from his friend Herbert the Pervert. Of course, our whiny Jedi heroes—the crybaby, orangy, Obi-Wan, and the Bad Mother Fracker—have to stop him, and they succeed. Yay... ''Senate Spy'' In the beginning, the crybaby and sexy Panda bear engaged in a little fun, before the morons at the Jedi Council sent the two to Cato Neimoidia. Some horny senator was drooling over Panda bear the entire episode, as well as, a Neimoidian and Geonosian. Unfortunately, Dave Failoni cut the gang bang scene out completely. What a sherbert. ''Landing at Point Rain'' The sherbert is too lazy to come up with a new planet for this episode to take place on, so the Jedi decide to invade that useless, bug-infested rock from that prequel film that no-one remembers. Because Republic Gunships are made of cardboard and Styrofoam, the Jedi were absolutely pwnd and Anakin Skywanker hid behind a rock for the entire battle, masturbating and crying for his Mummy. They also threw that white haired clone off a cliff at one point, because he wouldn't shut up. ''Weapons Factory'' After that less-than-exciting, craptastic battle which only shows the Emo One does what he does best—''cry''—the fucking doucher couldn't take it anymore. That bitchy orange slut wouldn't shut her face up, so he sends to back to Luminous Undies. This time Undies came prepared and counter-avoided Ahsoka's bitchiness with her own Padawan, Barriss Offee, who was also dressed as a nun. The crybaby and Undies ordered the Hannah Montana team to go destroy some bug's pad. Their yawn-worthy adventure turned out to be foiled by the bug and his followers, more bugs, some tactical droid and some retarded looking tank. Ahsoka's bitchiness turned out to be the enemy of the episode, as the bug couldn't take it anymore! His bug followers dropped Ahsoka on her head, BUT... she didn't die, unfortunately. So then the Hannah Montana team decided to become suicide bombers and blew up the bug's pad with them inside. But, no, they escape... UNHURT... ''Legacy of Terror'' As soon as that Hannah Montana episode ended, George Lucas became extremely jealous that "death troopers" novel, so he decided to create his own zombie episode. Turns out, of course, Lucas does not know what the fuck he's doing. The "zombies" weren't zombies at all. In fact, they were being controlled by these little worms, yes worms, called "brain worms." Just as the episode could not be any more retarded, Lucas added in his own version of that neat movie "Alien" in the episode and completely fucked up. Not only was the plot crappy, that whole brain worm idea made you want to go to Skywalker Ranch and punch someone in the face. So when the brain-wormed (lolz) controlled bugs kidnapped and raped Luminous Undies, she was ultimately saved by the crybaby, the bearded man, and that Bad Mother Fracker PWN clone Cody. Yeah... that's about it. ''Brain Invaders'' The Hannah Montana team is back! This time they are given the task to give that green wormhead Kit Fisto his big box of porn videos. Along the way, those sneaky little brain worms—ugh, yes, the brain worms are back…Lucas...—went up clone's noses (yes, literally) and made them extremely horny. So horny they wanted to, and succeed, in abducting and raping Barriss Offee. The Orange One, however, was too much of a Mary Sue to even get hurt. The bitch found a way to stop the horny brain-wormed control clones... turn on the air conditioner. yep... So the clones went back to normal, Barriss Offee was saved and Orangy delivered the big box of porn to Kit Fisto. ''Grievous Intrigue'' Since General Lee Grievous is kidnapping all their Jedi Whinie, the beard man come along and free him. But, once again, Anakin and Grievous star in the same episode but don't meet each other. In the end, Grievous turns into a spider and goes down to a random planet. ''The Deserter'' That white-haired horny clone gets injured (finally! oh, wait, he doesn't die) and goes to a deserted clone's house. He becomes jealous because the clone gets hooked up with a Tweelek named Sue. Mary Sue? IDK. ''Lightsaber Lost'' A-Soup-A loses her lightsaber and doesn't want to admit it. So she whines to a bird to help her track down the bad guy, and ends up fighting these girls with eyes that close sideways. The Mandalore Plot The death of all MANDALORIANS as we know it. The sherbert did something so evil and so utterly disgusting…he killed the MANDALORIANS. Everyone who watched this: Fandalorians, Fanboys, Fangirls, Goodwood, and even Karen Traviss had to cry themselves to sleep after watching this god forsaken episode (if you even watched this crap). So the destruction of the MANDALORIANS episode begins with horny the beard man and the sucky Duchess Satine of the so-called "Mandalorians". The beard man's main motive in the episode was to get laid... yeah. The two fought the real MANDALORIANS who weren't sucky pacifists. Satine stated that Jango Fett wasn't a Mando himself, thus making her the prime target of Fandalorians everywhere. ''Voyage of Temptation'' Obi-1 falls in love with that Duchess, and her personal aide tries to kill her because Dave Filoni, that Indy Jones try-hard, killed Mandos. In the end, Whinie kills him. ''Duchess of Mandalore'' While on a trip to Coruscant, a Fandalorian attempts to silence the crazy bitch once and for all. Unfortunately (for the Star Wars Universe) the assassin is a crap shot and ends up accidentally shooting the Ice Cream Guy instead. Knobbli Bent'Wobbli goes after the Fandalorian and after a vicious teabagging, the villain is revealed to be Karen Traviss who blows herself up with a cry of "Re'turcye mhi adenn Manda'yaim!" in Mandalorian (the translation for this gibberish is something like "Oh no! I eat potty and piss on squirrels!". The Senate decide not to take over Mandalore in the end. Mandalore is then assploded by Grievous the next day. ''Senate Murders'' SENATERS get MURDERED how stupid are ? sic ''Cat and Mouse'' Mannequin Crywanker and his friend, Admiral Mustache Von British are chased around a room by a giant spider in a trenchcoat (or something) for an hour while trying to send explosives down to the planet Christopher because Bail Organa believes that CIS's secret child hospital is there and wants to blow it up. While Mannequin cowers and sobs in a corner, Von British becomes depressed and decides to commit suicide by headbutting the giant spider. The spider is so surprised that he shits himself and dies. The mission is a success and the children's hospital is destroyed. ''Bounty Hunters'' Annie, Wobbli and No-soup-a decide to go visit some Felucia for no apparent reason other than that it was in one of the films for a few seconds. There, our two heroes plan to eat magic mushrooms and kill the abomination. However, they are attacked by a flock of vultures and they crash on the giant space fungus. There they find out that a family of drug-dealers and their useless bounty hunter friends are being terrorized by the villainous Pirate Space Cockneys from that episode in series one. The heroes get high instead of teaching the drug-dealers how to fight and the natives are killed when the Cockneys attack. Crybaby narrowly avoids being lobotomized by a monkey in a tank, and the Cockneys escape in their flying saucer. ''The Zillo Beast'' They find a huge Godzilla and have a great plan to take him to the most populated planet in the galaxy so it can be safe. (Read next episode). ''The Zillo Beast Strikes Back'' A giant Godzilla goes on a rampage and kills a bunch of shit. ''Death Trap'' Boba Fett comes back to try and kill Mace Windy. Unfortunately, he fails, because he's still a kid. ''R2 Come Home'' R2 COMES HOME. How stupid are you? ''Lethal Trackdown'' Orangy saves the day again… ''Clone Cadets'' At the start there's a group of clone midgets learning about the UBER army that they are being forced to join. They get to fire a cannon at Justin Bieber CDs that the Admiral is throwing out the window a foolish clone bets the midgets they can't will hit the CDs with the howitzer but one clone proceeds to hit 3 in a row and destroys his planet all is well, BUT THEN one clone reveals himself to be the biggest badass in the galaxy and uses his POWAH to destroy the ship. He then flies away with the bald lady blowing up life pods as they go. ''ARC Troopers'' Britney attacks clone troopers and kisses one in a deleted scene. ''Supply Lines'' Jar Jar K. Binks and Jamaican Me Crazy visit some flying elephant faeries. ''Sphere of Influence'' George Lucas shoots up the Cantina after Greedo kidnaps his daughters. Don't mess with God. Unfortunately God didn't kill him because he wanted Han to. ''Corruption'' Corruption happens. OBVIOUSLY. ''The Academy'' Starring Ahsoka Tano as Scooby Dooby Do! ''Assassin'' Aurra Sing attacks Pandabear but A-Soup-A saves the day. ''Evil Plans'' Goldenrod is captured by Cad Bane. ''Hunt For Ziro'' Penis Mouth is hunted, obviously. Oh, and he hooks up with Sy Snootles. Oh, 4nd th3y g0 v1s1+ the c0rpuL3n+ (haha, long word) M4m4 +h3 Hu++. ''Heroes on Both Sides‎'' Padmé Amidala goes visits an old friend with Miss hates everyone. ''Pursuit of Peace'' After a fishhead and a squid stole Pandabear's new toy, peace, she seeks to get it back, but ends up stealin' a speeder and getting arrested. Meanwhile, the two aquatics get drunk and decide to beat the Senators up. ''Nightsisters'' Count Dooku betrays the bold bitch, so she goes back to her Dathomiri ghost homies and they give Dooku the worst Sith ever's brother as an apprentice. ''Monster'' Monster, that's it. Savage Oppress drinks too much of that drink called Jizz, goes on a massive rampage and kills people. ''Witches of the Mist'' Savage, Ventress and Dooku fight, before Savage runs off to find his brother who apparently survived. ''Overlords'' Some writers for The Clone Wars get high and make an episode about all the main heroes getting high on weed. ''Altar of Mortis'' More weed party. ''Ghosts of Mortis'' Weed party ends. ''The Citadel'' Anakin Crywanker, The Beard, The Orange Slut and a group of clones go to a prison to save that pink yoda Jedi and fail epicly. ''Counterattack'' Loads of continuity errors, Ahsoka's bitchiness and a retard clone who commits suicide completed this failed episode. ''Citadel Rescue'' That dude that looks like Yoda gets raped by a Hyena and The Orange Bitch saves Tarkin's arse. ''Padawan Lost'' Starring an Indiana Jones ripoff, two other pointless younglings and Ahsoka Tano once again as Scooby Doo. ''Wookiee Hunt'' Chewbacca makes a pointless cameo. ''Brothers'' A couple of clones do something naughty and get away with it. Meanwhile, the Orange Slut plays Peeping Tom on Lil'Ani and Padmé doing a similar deed. ''Revenge'' Bionicle Maul gets REVENGE. Noo, he gets an eggplant? Tell us something we don't know. Anyways, Darth Maul and Savage Opress have a 4 way with Obi-wan and Ventress. It got reaaaaaaaly intense. Ventress and Obi-Wan finished it in an escape pod. ''Revival'' Darth Maul tries to enlist Jack Sparrow in his little Army of Revenge. But only half of the priates were actually dumb enough to listin to what he was saying. Then there was a Pirate Civil War. Also Obi-Wan and Adi Gallia showed up, uninvited, and they fought the horny brothers. Darth Maul dueled Obi-Wan....AGAIN!.... and Savage was playing with Adi's bewbs, and he was rubbing his horns against her boobs, and he accidentally stabbed. Since Savage had MAJOR anger issuies, he stabbed her 50 times, which of course, killed her. Obi-Wan almost killed Savage for that, but Maul saved him, damn it! Anyways, Obi-Wan had a rematch with Maul and Savage, Savage got his arm cut off and Maul got his leg cut off. They then took off like the pussies they were while under fire of Jack Sparrow's reunifed gang. Sparrow managed to reunite his gang, at gun point. Hey, you would have done it too. ''A War On Two Fronts'' There's a war on Two fronts, READ THE FUCKING TITLE PEOPLE! ''Front Runners'' On Onderon, there is some race, snd some Saw guy runs in the front. ''The Soft War'' People get high on weed and the war turns "soft" ''Tipping Points'' There is so much shit going on Onderon, that Dookie sends some Driod to steal there supply of weed, and the king dies. He's eating an apple, but when he swalloed it, but it enterd the wrong hole, then the driod shot him while he was on his throne, then he suffocuated to death. The shot didn't kill him, it was choking on the apple that killed King Sanjay Rash. He also did have a very bad rash. ''The Gathering'' Some horny kids try to find lightsabers in some cave. LAME! ''A Test of Strength'' While the Horny Kids test out there strength, Jack Sparrow kidnaps Ahsoka in hopes of getting more weed Bound For Rescue Greasy gets horny and decided to find Obi-wan, but Obi-Wan trolls him, and the horny kids disguise themseleves as strippers and rescue Ahsoka A Nesscarry Bond Grievous takes over the Black Peral, so Jack Sparrow, Ahsoka, The Horny Childeren, and that queer droid team up to escape. While escpaing on the Black Peral, Grievous almost killed Ahsoka, but he missed his chance. DAMN IT GRIEVOUS Secert Weapons The Republic has devloped a Secert Weapon: Crack, and some green tiny guy named Megar Gas Kahn, R2, and a few other horny driods get high on it. Welcome to Star Wars, Crack. A Sunny Day In The Void More crack party.... Missing In Action People get missing in action, IT'S PREETY DAMN OBVIOUS. Also, one Bad-ass Clone Commando shoots up like a thousand droios to save the Crack Addicts. He then goes out with a bang. Point of No Return Pretty lights.... ''Eminence'' His Eternal Autonomy the Robo-Pope, holds a G*nkist prayer vigil at the Jedi Temple, in hopes that G*nk won't look unkindly upon the building. ''Shades of Reason'' Death Watch, combines with the efforts of Maul and Savage's drunken Criminal Army, finally takes over Mandalore and fianlly ends those namby-pamby New Mandalorians and finally end Dutchess Satine's Pathetic Pacfist Rule, they even convinced the local population to join them becuase they were being bored of being sucky pacfists. Then Viszla betrays Maul, and locks him and his brother in prision, and Viszla brutally execute the rest of Maul's Criminal Empire the Tradiontal Mandalorian Way. Maul then brakes out and challnges Viszla for the throne. The fight lasted 20 hours since they both did pretty good, and it was an entertaining fight, but Maul finally beated down Vzla to the ground, and cutted his head off right in front of everybody. Half of Death Watch decided to join Maul since they liked there head's where it was, but Pre Viszla's Girlfriend, Bo-Katan, and her Night Owls, and the other half of death watch said no. So we have a Mandalorian Civil War. ''The Lawless'' Obi-Wan trys to rescue his sucky girlfriend. They almost escaped and started getting high on weed, but Maul shot them down. Maul then had relations with her right in front of Obi-Wan, then killed her. Obi-Wan heart broekn, was about to commit sucide when Sidious came through the door and said " SURPRISE MOTH FUCKAS!!!!!" While Obi-Wan cried over Satin'e lifless body, Maul and Savage had to fight for there lives. Only 30 seconds into the fight, the most amazing thing happend, that drug addict Savage, HE DIED!!!! YAAAAY! He was stabbed by Sidious in front of Maul, becuase well, Savage didn't have Steriods on him. Savage's dying words were " GIVE ME STERIODS..." Maul, then took Viszla's saber, and in full fury he attacked Palpay. It was an epic fail since Maul kept trying to Sidious with his Sabers, but he ust simply blocked it. Then, Palpay just shot Maul with ligthing and said he had " other uses for him". But some reports say that Sidious accidnetally electroctued Maul to death. Which would have been Maul's most dignifed death. Either way, Mandalore was still in a Civil War, and things were back to normal on that planet..... for now..... Sabotage Bariss goes snackbar style on the Jedi Temple in order to kill Luminara, but she mises and blames it on some hooker chick. The Jedi Who Knew To Much The Republic finally had enough with Ahsoka and they execute Order 99: KILL AHSOKA TANO. Also, they balmed her for the bombing. So Ahsoka goes on the run, and Anakin tries to prove she's innocent. Now why didn't they execute Order 88?????? To Catch A Jedi Ahsoka has relations with Ventress and Bariss, and gets caught. Reminds me of that Fugitive Move.... ''The Wrong Jedi'' In this final episode of the series' fifth season, Manticore shits in No Soup-a's mouth, causing her to leave the Jedi FOREVER!! But wait, what about the fates of Darth Maul, Captain Rex, Asajj Ventress, Cad Bane and the rest? We don't know. You LOSE. You get NOTHING! 'GOOD DAY SIR!! (I'm guessing they all died horribly...) The Unknown Cadet Tup suffers from a neurological disorder, so Anakin takes him to be examined. Conspiracy Cadet Fives must enter Tup's mind. Fugitive Cadet Tup goes back to Coruscant; Cadet Fives investigates a modified code. Orders Fives is accused of trying to murder the Chancellor. An Old Friend Padme is called upon by an old friend to help uncover corruption in the banking clan. The Rise of Clovis Clovis becomes the leader of his clan. Crisis at the Heart Clovis gets involved in the war after making a deal with Count Dooku. The Disappeared: Part 1 Bardotta is threatened by an ancient prophecy. The Disappeared: Part 1 Julia is kidnapped by a cult. The Lost One Sifo Dyas' death is investigated once again. Voices Yoda hears voices of the deceased. Destiny Yoda must face trials to learn about the Force. Sacrifice Yoda faces his final test. Trivia * The Clone Wars will be returning in 2019, with 12 new episodes only available to watch on Disney's new streaming platform. The reasoning behind this is to get people to buy their subscription and thus, earning more money. This is further proven by the fact that The Clone Wars had more than just 12 unfinished episodes. Category:Cartoons Category:Completely useless crap that people seem to think is awesome, cool, and useful Category:Crap Category:Epic Fail Category:Failures Category:Galaxies-class canon clusterfucks Category:Movies Category:Nonsense Category:Propaganda Category:Rape Category:Reasons you are an asshole Category:Scary things Category:Things that didn't work Category:Things that ruined Star Wars forever Category:Ways to die Category:Ways to find out what kind of idiot you are Category:Words of Doom Category:WTF Category:Reasons planets are destroyed Category:Things that make George Lucas cry Category:Monsters Category:Evil Category:Satan Category:Victims of Darth Vader Category:Victims of Kyle Katarn Category:Acts of Evilness Category:Pathetic Category:Things that will Destroy Your Planet Category:Havoc Category:Lies Category:Unholy Acts Of Evil Nightmares Category:Reasons childhoods are messed up Category:Greatest things ever Category:Cool shit